Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Gray

Today I feel like we've been trapped inside of the White Witch's Narnia, though without the snow. It's been gray and cold the past week. I find myself counting the days since I last saw the sun: 7. One time I remember counting gray days was the year I spent in Russia and lost track at 17. Today we have rain just at the freezing point so there's ice on the trees and bushes but puddles everywhere else.
 
It feels like it should be Advent or Lent, a time of dreary waiting. But it's not. I listened to 'O Come, O Come Emmanuel" while I washed the dishes after lunch, as if willing a burst of sunlight to miraculously pierce through the clouds to illumine the ice crystals or spring to unnaturally occur here and now on January 16. It didn't and I was struck by the words of the hymn, how they fit with winter's 'deadness', waiting for spring, longing for Jesus to appear. Then there's the chorus which challenges me when I long to complain yet again about the gray, when the drear threatens to overcome me and make me forget the good things that I have, "Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel". 

I'm reading a book about gratitude.  I've read several over the past several years and each one challenges me to be thankful for more than just the good things but to be thankful for everything. How do I be thankful for the gray? For things that are hard? For things that I don't like? Sometimes, I tell God I'm thankful for the gray in faith, praying that he will help me to appreciate something about the gray and to be truly grateful for it. It's hard. Like trying to rejoice when I'm sick of the clouds. 

1 comment:

carla said...

Do you happen to be reading 1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp??? That's what I'm reading right now. It's been water to my soul.