To Receive a Gift
I am learning something about myself. I am learning that I do not receive gifts well. Maybe it is that I do not feel I give gifts well and can never repay that person for the gift. Maybe it is a nagging belief that no-one actually really gives without expecting something in return. I think Mozambique has not always because often people have seen me for my money and do things because they expect something down the line. Or maybe I resist it because I have done Christian service for much of my adult life and at times I feel like I am being irresponsible. Maybe I feel I should return and establish myself instead of relying on others support. Maybe I also think that I need to do my share and accepting a gift, especially money, feels like I am not holding up my end. And we have always been told it is better to give than to receive.
So I resist it so much. Often MCC, colleagues or friends will do something for me or us. I resist it every time because I feel I do not deserve it or I do not want to waste MCC resources. I feel guilty and think of all the ways that I can pay it back. Or I avoid asking for other things because I feel I have received so much and do not want to ‘take’ more. Often I offer to shoulder some of the burden of the gift. Weird, eh.? Human nature, maybe?
My parents visit taught me something about generosity. I have been praying for God to teach me to be generous. They paid for tickets to come, travel, national parks, food and a lot of other things. They brought a suitcase full of gifts from relatives for us and Nadia of which we can never repay. MCC gave us a generous gift by giving us some extra time off which was perfect for there visit. We have been so well cared for and the gifts have been so generous. I realized, however, that I resisted every time my dad wanted to pay for dinner or I felt like the gifts we were sending back for Christmas for family are never enough for what they are doing. I felt I needed to do something; after all they paid a lot just to get here. But over the course of the several weeks we traveled together in South Africa I started to realize that maybe they actually want to pay for it and do not expect anything in return. Maybe in order for God to teach me about generosity he needs to teach me how to receive. With this in mind I started to accept the generosity and I relaxed as the guilt that so often plagues me in such situations disappeared. I started to see the act of love instead of the sacrifice.
The bible says that love does not expect anything in return. Maybe my friends actually do want to have us over and do not expect us to always return the favor equal amount of times. Maybe they just want to be with us because they love us. Maybe colleagues actually do care for us and want what is best for us because they love us. In fact, this is revolutionary thinking. Maybe God’s gift of Jesus, his death on the cross for the payment of our sins is actually a free gift given in love, a gift we can never repay nor are expected to repay. I have spent a lot of energy in my life doing things for God thinking he really wants something in return for his salvation, serving because I need to repay him. Maybe I need to stop and just marvel in the loving gift he gave? Accept it as a gift given, given because he wants to be with me, because he loves me.
Thanks Mom and Dad for teaching me this. I am not sure you realized that this happened but your generosity taught me what a loving gift really is, a gift, and I am truly grateful.
Love,
Joel
I am learning something about myself. I am learning that I do not receive gifts well. Maybe it is that I do not feel I give gifts well and can never repay that person for the gift. Maybe it is a nagging belief that no-one actually really gives without expecting something in return. I think Mozambique has not always because often people have seen me for my money and do things because they expect something down the line. Or maybe I resist it because I have done Christian service for much of my adult life and at times I feel like I am being irresponsible. Maybe I feel I should return and establish myself instead of relying on others support. Maybe I also think that I need to do my share and accepting a gift, especially money, feels like I am not holding up my end. And we have always been told it is better to give than to receive.
So I resist it so much. Often MCC, colleagues or friends will do something for me or us. I resist it every time because I feel I do not deserve it or I do not want to waste MCC resources. I feel guilty and think of all the ways that I can pay it back. Or I avoid asking for other things because I feel I have received so much and do not want to ‘take’ more. Often I offer to shoulder some of the burden of the gift. Weird, eh.? Human nature, maybe?
My parents visit taught me something about generosity. I have been praying for God to teach me to be generous. They paid for tickets to come, travel, national parks, food and a lot of other things. They brought a suitcase full of gifts from relatives for us and Nadia of which we can never repay. MCC gave us a generous gift by giving us some extra time off which was perfect for there visit. We have been so well cared for and the gifts have been so generous. I realized, however, that I resisted every time my dad wanted to pay for dinner or I felt like the gifts we were sending back for Christmas for family are never enough for what they are doing. I felt I needed to do something; after all they paid a lot just to get here. But over the course of the several weeks we traveled together in South Africa I started to realize that maybe they actually want to pay for it and do not expect anything in return. Maybe in order for God to teach me about generosity he needs to teach me how to receive. With this in mind I started to accept the generosity and I relaxed as the guilt that so often plagues me in such situations disappeared. I started to see the act of love instead of the sacrifice.
The bible says that love does not expect anything in return. Maybe my friends actually do want to have us over and do not expect us to always return the favor equal amount of times. Maybe they just want to be with us because they love us. Maybe colleagues actually do care for us and want what is best for us because they love us. In fact, this is revolutionary thinking. Maybe God’s gift of Jesus, his death on the cross for the payment of our sins is actually a free gift given in love, a gift we can never repay nor are expected to repay. I have spent a lot of energy in my life doing things for God thinking he really wants something in return for his salvation, serving because I need to repay him. Maybe I need to stop and just marvel in the loving gift he gave? Accept it as a gift given, given because he wants to be with me, because he loves me.
Thanks Mom and Dad for teaching me this. I am not sure you realized that this happened but your generosity taught me what a loving gift really is, a gift, and I am truly grateful.
Love,
Joel
No comments:
Post a Comment