Starting over in Chimoio

A few months ago, a friend lent me Sheila Cassidy’s book Good Friday People. The book is stories of people who suffered because of their faith. It showed me that though, my life here in Mozambique has more often than not, been hard, that God is still working and all is not for naught. It showed me how people of faith, though we often waiver in our confidence and feel like life is bleak, still end up seeing God shining through the darkness. That God is working through us and in us to accomplish his will of alleviating oppression and pain, of bringing reconciliation to people, of rebuilding ancient walls.

Throughout the book, she quoted a poem that exemplifies the struggle that we have with our calling, with our faith in God and how we keep trudging on. When I read the poem in its entirety, it struck me how it shows the struggles and triumphs of life, particularly for those of us who because of our faith live overseas. I initially had scribbled one of the stanzas in my journal, because it so embodied Joél’s and my experience here in Mozambique.

We did not want it easy God
But we did not contemplate
That it would be quite this hard
This long, this lonely.

Like the author writes, we expected it to be hard, but not so hard and so lonely,. I think what strikes me the most about the poem is how its theme is that of Philippians 3: 13-14 “…forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

Now as we “start over”, living in Chimoio, our prayer continues to invite God to work in and through us, to give us strength for the journey, for courage to step out of our comfort zones, to find places for new relationships (particularly with Mozambicans), and to learn how to see God in new ways. We feel hope as we settle into living in the city. Hope that we will continue to serve God and how he is leading, to be healthy and to find good relationships.

Starting Over, Fighting Back
And so we must begin to live again,
We of the damaged bodies
And assaulted minds.
Starting from scratch with the ruble of our lives
And picking up the dust
Of dreams once dreamt.

And we standing there, naked in our vulnerability,
Proud of starting over, fighting back,
But full of weak humility
At the awesomeness of the task.

We, without a future,
Safe, defined, delivered
Now salute you God.
Knowing that nothing is safe,
Secure, inviolable here.
Except you,
And even that eludes our minds at times.
And we hate you
As we love you,
And our anger is strong
As our pain
Our grief is deep as oceans
And our need as great as mountains.

So we take our first few steps forward
Into the abyss of the future,
We would pray for
Courage to go places for the first time
And just be there.
Courage to become what we have
Not been before
And accept it,
And bravery to look deep
Within our souls to find
New ways.

We did not want it easy God
But we did not contemplate
That it would be quite this hard
This long, this lonely.

So, if we are to be turned inside out,
And upside down,
With even our pockets shaken,
Just to check what’s rattling
And left behind,
We pray that you will keep faith with us.
And we with you,
Holding our hands as we weep,
Giving us strength to continue,
And showing us beacons
Along the way
To becoming new.

We are not fighting you, God,
Even if it feels like it,
But we need your help and company,
As we struggle on.
Fighting back
And starting over.

Anna McKenzie